Brology 101
I would like to assume the role of a professor at this fine university and give you all a crash course on Brology, the study of Bros.
Course Goals:
College campuses are teeming with these bros. Currently I live among them studying their habits. Perhaps some of you do as well. By the end of this course I hope that you are able to identify a bro in everyday life and to do with that information what you wish.
Instructor's Note: This is a semi-lengthy read but with valuable info. Go at your own pace or simply drop out now. Or just enjoy the videos.
Required Viewing:
Bro Rape: A Newsline Investigative Report
(Perhaps Not Very Appropriate: This is Your Warning!)
Brohemian Rhapsody
Required Reading:
A Bro Treaty: Bro, You're A God Among Bros
Suggested and Further Reading:
Dane Cook Parlays New Burger King Menu Item Into Hour-Long HBO Special
Fight On Bros!
Ho Comes Before Bro
Let's start by defining some terms. What is a bro exactly? Well a bro is commonly a white male between the ages of 18-26. Bro Culture is often associated with an affinity to party and a very strong sense of brotherhood. That is why most bros will be found in or around frat houses. An important distinction to make is that not all bros belong to fraternities.
How to Identify a Bro:
Bros are characterized by wearing their hat backwards, popping their collars, driving jacked-up trucks, and often they like to scream about getting shwasted or laid.
Let us now look at visual documentation of the bro to further help you in your identification.
Potential Dangers: Now a bro may sound harmless, and for the most part they are. But there are a few things you might want to look out for. Bros are often times annoying. They are the people who will wake you up at 2 in the morning, on a school night, screaming down the staircase to their bros three floors below. They are simple creatures following a few basic instincts (getting belligerently drunk and rubbing their genitalia against everything.) If you are not one of their bros and you wind up between them and their goals you run the risk of coming into serious harm.
Pros?: Not everything about a bro is terrible. Perhaps using knowledge learned in this course you will choose to seek out a bro and befriend him. They are an excellent contact in finding raging parties and you may want to take advantage of that. But a warning is to be had here. If you act too friendly you run the risk of taking on traits of the bro until one day you finally become one.
Glossary of Terms:
Dude-Bros have taken on a second way of identifying someone they are talking to. Often this term is used to talk to someone who isn't their bro.
Chill-A secondary drive of the bro. Bros constantly want to chill and will seek the path of least resistance to do so. They will often say this word to calm a situation that is rising in tension.
High-Five- This is a gesture bros practice with other bros. They often will slap palms together in celebration of something particularity exciting.
"Pound that shit"- Much like the high-five sometimes a bro will ask another bro to "Pound it." This is seen as two fists making contact on the knuckles. This is used only in special occasions like getting laid or scoring weed.
Wingman- When a bro goes clubbing they often bring a second bro with them for assistance. Often a bro will find a hot girl who has a less attractive friend with her. The wingman's duty is to engage and occupy the ugly friend so his bro can score with the hottie. It is a complicated procedure filled with difficult rules of right of way. Much like fencing.
"Shit was so cash"- A common way a bro will describe something. For example: "Hey Johnny did you see Bill kill that keg?" "Yeah shit was so cash."
Bros in Popular Culture:
In 2007 at the University of Florida Andrew Meyer, a senior at the college, attended a forum featuring current U.S Senator and former presidential hopeful John Kerry. Meyer never really asked a question but instead begin to indite Kerry thus breaking the forum proceedings. He began to be escorted by security but resisted quite strongly. The threat of force was made and Meyer freaked out. He then uttered the infamous "Don't tase me, bro!" This incident brings up questions of liberties and freedoms in America and whether or not Meyer's were breached. However, it is commonly accepted that he deserved whatever was coming to him for saying bro.
Many believe that in 2008 the primary reasoning behind electing Obama over Hillary Clinton as the Democratic Nominee was what the bros call "Bros before Hos."
I hope you have learned enough about bros in order to identify their behavior and appearance. This may prove to be an invaluable skill later in life. Remember that your homework is to read chapter 5 in Spielvogel's Western Tribes. Next class we will be discussing hipsters. Thanks for reading.
Course Goals:
College campuses are teeming with these bros. Currently I live among them studying their habits. Perhaps some of you do as well. By the end of this course I hope that you are able to identify a bro in everyday life and to do with that information what you wish.
Instructor's Note: This is a semi-lengthy read but with valuable info. Go at your own pace or simply drop out now. Or just enjoy the videos.
Required Viewing:
Bro Rape: A Newsline Investigative Report
(Perhaps Not Very Appropriate: This is Your Warning!)
Brohemian Rhapsody
Required Reading:
A Bro Treaty: Bro, You're A God Among Bros
Suggested and Further Reading:
Dane Cook Parlays New Burger King Menu Item Into Hour-Long HBO Special
Fight On Bros!
Ho Comes Before Bro
Let's start by defining some terms. What is a bro exactly? Well a bro is commonly a white male between the ages of 18-26. Bro Culture is often associated with an affinity to party and a very strong sense of brotherhood. That is why most bros will be found in or around frat houses. An important distinction to make is that not all bros belong to fraternities.
How to Identify a Bro:
Bros are characterized by wearing their hat backwards, popping their collars, driving jacked-up trucks, and often they like to scream about getting shwasted or laid.
Let us now look at visual documentation of the bro to further help you in your identification.
Potential Dangers: Now a bro may sound harmless, and for the most part they are. But there are a few things you might want to look out for. Bros are often times annoying. They are the people who will wake you up at 2 in the morning, on a school night, screaming down the staircase to their bros three floors below. They are simple creatures following a few basic instincts (getting belligerently drunk and rubbing their genitalia against everything.) If you are not one of their bros and you wind up between them and their goals you run the risk of coming into serious harm.
Pros?: Not everything about a bro is terrible. Perhaps using knowledge learned in this course you will choose to seek out a bro and befriend him. They are an excellent contact in finding raging parties and you may want to take advantage of that. But a warning is to be had here. If you act too friendly you run the risk of taking on traits of the bro until one day you finally become one.
Glossary of Terms:
Dude-Bros have taken on a second way of identifying someone they are talking to. Often this term is used to talk to someone who isn't their bro.
Chill-A secondary drive of the bro. Bros constantly want to chill and will seek the path of least resistance to do so. They will often say this word to calm a situation that is rising in tension.
High-Five- This is a gesture bros practice with other bros. They often will slap palms together in celebration of something particularity exciting.
"Pound that shit"- Much like the high-five sometimes a bro will ask another bro to "Pound it." This is seen as two fists making contact on the knuckles. This is used only in special occasions like getting laid or scoring weed.
Wingman- When a bro goes clubbing they often bring a second bro with them for assistance. Often a bro will find a hot girl who has a less attractive friend with her. The wingman's duty is to engage and occupy the ugly friend so his bro can score with the hottie. It is a complicated procedure filled with difficult rules of right of way. Much like fencing.
"Shit was so cash"- A common way a bro will describe something. For example: "Hey Johnny did you see Bill kill that keg?" "Yeah shit was so cash."
Bros in Popular Culture:
In 2007 at the University of Florida Andrew Meyer, a senior at the college, attended a forum featuring current U.S Senator and former presidential hopeful John Kerry. Meyer never really asked a question but instead begin to indite Kerry thus breaking the forum proceedings. He began to be escorted by security but resisted quite strongly. The threat of force was made and Meyer freaked out. He then uttered the infamous "Don't tase me, bro!" This incident brings up questions of liberties and freedoms in America and whether or not Meyer's were breached. However, it is commonly accepted that he deserved whatever was coming to him for saying bro.
Many believe that in 2008 the primary reasoning behind electing Obama over Hillary Clinton as the Democratic Nominee was what the bros call "Bros before Hos."
I hope you have learned enough about bros in order to identify their behavior and appearance. This may prove to be an invaluable skill later in life. Remember that your homework is to read chapter 5 in Spielvogel's Western Tribes. Next class we will be discussing hipsters. Thanks for reading.
posted by A Underwood at
7:57 PM
7 Comments:
ummmmm...wow. This was really really odd. It seems like to me youre describing the guido life style.
Reference the you tube video "My New Haircut".
haha... I don't think that there are all that many bro's at UVM. Thank you though for notifying me on how to identify a bro so that will be able to in the future. By the way bro rape is really nasty, thank you for the education
alright well im from new jersey, home of the bros, and a guido and a bro are COMPLETELY different things. guidos are just macho italian idiots who gel there hair and go to clubs in seaside heights. bros love to wear polo, backwards hats, and talk about how much they love drinking. totally different
my mistake I did incorrectly use a picture of guidos rather then bros. This problem will be remedied. Also the term wingman enters guido territory but we are walking a fine line sometimes.
I will also tag Bro Rape as not safe for innocent eyes.
hahaha its totally fine. an honest mistake. but yea, wingman does cross over bro and guido borders.
Haha this reminded me of when my friends and I were walking down Pearl St. on a Sunday. One of my friends looked at this one "Bro" who was sitting on a stoop and then looked away. The Bro freaked out and started yelling at him and saying "yo bro get back here, I'm not going to hurt you." We just kept walking and found it funny that the Bro thought that saying "I'm not going to hurt you" would make us want to stop and chat.
I was semi-offended when I read all this. You make it seem like being a bro is such a bad thing. Yeah, I agree bro rape is totally a bad thing, and should never happen. However, not all bros are like that, and you should include that.
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